Tippy Toes and Tantrums

The End of Kindness (Week-ish)

Finally, after unanticipated delay, the dramatic conclusion to kindness week:

The weather and the last day of school before holiday got the best of my kindness plans. I was busy doing the standard, preholiday kindness, handing out gifts to the teachers, the mailman, the newspaper delivery woman (oh yeah, we're old school, still getting the newspaper...once a week) and our adopt-a-family gift. Then this weekend came with a major gift of kindness for me: my parents took the kids for three days, two nights. It was a gift better than whatever they will give me on Christmas. The only downside was that the freedom took us out of the house, when I really needed to knit, wrap and knit and wrap some more.

I ended the week with two Starbucks gift cards to drop, two to give away to readers and about $10 left of my Yahoo! money. I ended the weekend with nothing.

I dropped my second-to-last Starbucks card in San Francisco near the Ferry Building, where the area was full of families and people ice skating and enjoying the lights. I wanted to leave the card in a tiny neighborhood park, but because it looked like rain was coming, I wanted to leave it somewhere it would be quickly found.

The last card to drop was mailed to a person I've met only once. She's in my local mother's club and while things may be quite tight for her, she's dedicated herself to working for those with even less. I wanted to let her know that her work was noticed and appreciated.

While I was wondering what to do with my last few dollars, I was listening to the This American Life podcast and it began with a periodic request for money to help support the program and the bandwidth. I always mean to give, but then I forget before I act. While listening, Ira Glass explained that while yes, he was only asking for a donation as small as a dollar, if one gave more, they were essentially covering other listeners with their donation. With that, I gave my last $10 from Yahoo! and matched it with $10 of my own. My gift to fellow TAL listeners.

The gift from Yahoo! to help spread kindness was great. It was a lot of fun and it made me feel good too. My mom has always said, "It pays to be nice," and while she's right, there is nothing more annoying than hearing that from her throughout my life, always with the implication that I wasn't nice. While paying attention this past week, I felt that a lot of people were really nice to me and I know it was because I was being just as kind back. There are still jackass drivers - of cars and shopping carts - that will annoy me, but it's reassuring to be reminded that most people aren't like that.

Finally, the two cards awarded to commenters: Congrats Kathryn and Justice Fergie! You both won and I'll be contacting you just after I hit post.

Kindness Around the Bay

Things are hectic as school comes to a pre-holiday close and my plans for kindness drops got a little tripped up - once I set out to leave a Starbucks card, only to realize I left my phone in the car and couldn't document the event, and another time the kids and I were heading to a planned drop location when I discovered I forgot the kindness items at home. Small setbacks in what feels like a successful effort.

Here's what the last two days included:

I left a Starbucks gift card for the office manager/scheduler for our swim school, which is the first item this week I've left for a specific person. She deals with a lot of people, some cranky, but she always manages to make necessary changes happen. Like some other families, we get a gift for our swim instructor, but I wanted to make sure the office manager knew she was appreciated too. I had hoped she's walk away from her station during Rocket's swim lesson, but she didn't, so I had to leave this while she was sitting a few feet away from me. As I took the photo, I could see she was giving me a look that said she thought I was crazy, so I explained what it was and why I was doing it, and while she was thankful, she still looked a little suspicious.

I left a Sudoku book and pen on a bench at the Redwood City train station. I don't know if it was noticed that I'd left something behind, but I'm sure I was watched as I waddled over to the spot in flip-flops, just having come from a pedicure appointment. Timing isn't always my thing. Hopefully the book helped pass the time on the train and brightened one passenger's day.

The kindness drops spread to the East Bay today as I head to Oakland for a meeting. I left a pack of notecards on a bench on Telegraph. The frozen lemonade from Bakesale Betty was all mine, sorry people of Oakland hoping for a free drink.

Finally, I left a little notebook and a pen in Berkeley. Maybe it will become a to-do list or a dream journal, I only hope it made someone smile.

You can follow the progress of - or participate in - Yahoo's You In program here and on Flickr. To help spread kindness, tomorrow I'll select two commenters to each receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. Just leave a comment on any post this week with a way to contact you.

Kindness in a Cup

Day two of kindness week was fun, especially because it included ice cream.

First I quickly dropped off a new coffee grinder and a pound of Starbucks Christmas blend at the teacher lounge at Clover's school. At the beginning of the month, the subject of coffee came up with a office staffer and she mentioned that the grinder in the lounge was practically dead. I started looking into grinders and while burr grinders appear to be superior, it would have blown my $100 Yahoo! money in one shot, so I decided to get them a regular blade grinder. It may not produce baby fine coffee grinds, but it's better than what they had. What the lounge really needs is an Oprah-sponsored visit from Nate Birkus.

Trying to be stealthy about getting into the lounge, dropping off the package and taking a picture was difficult, especially since I had my tiny sidekick with me. It's nearly impossible to convince a three year old boy to walk quickly and quietly. I told him we were on a top secret spy mission, but he kept putting his finger over his mouth and saying "shoosh!" to anyone we encountered. That doesn't exactly help one to go unnoticed.

We were stopped near one of the office exits by another mom who needed to talk to me. I'm certain she must have thought I was weird because the whole time I felt like I needed to get out of there, like a criminal on the lam, glancing around, acting fidgety. As I talked to her, I realized I hadn't dropped off a package of flavored Coffee-Mate packs that I received at the Silicon Valley Moms Blog holiday party. I thought about sending Rocket back into the lounge with the Coffee-Mate pack, but sending a three year old alone on the stealth mission is asking for failure, so we took off with the Coffee-Mate. I hope the teachers weren't dreaming about artificially flavored vanilla coffee.

After getting all of the carpool kids into the car, we made a totally unprecedented surprise stop at Baskin-Robbins. The other carpool mom is nicer and has been known to stop for milkshakes, but I never stop because I generally want to get carpool over as quickly as possible. The kids first thought I'd lost my mind, but they ripped out of their booster seats and out of the car in record time, trying to get into the store before I changed my mind. I explained the concept of Yahoo's kindness project, but I don't think it stuck. They had a million questions, like "Who is Yahoo?" or "Why are you taking a picture?" which was answered with "I know! She's going to open a shop and she wants to use this picture." I should note that the picture comments did come from my kids, who have grown immune to me photographing everything. With kids, work usually has to happen before the reward, so while they all promised to do something kind without prompting, but I haven't seen any follow through in my house.

Throughout the day I dropped pennies because I know how much excitement a found coin brings to my kids. Dropping coins, especially around Rocket's school felt so odd, like I was trying to lure kids away with a path of pennies. Not the Rocket even noticed the little "clink, clinks" around him as the money fell out of my hands.

The funniest kindness act I've done was mitt removal. My friend lives in a tony neighborhood on a sometimes busy street and one day a few months ago, a furry glove, the kind for washing cars, showed up in one of their trees. We guessed that it landed on the street, but someone put it on the tree in the hopes that the owner would return. My friend was creeped out by the mitt and hoped the situation would resolve itself. Weeks went by, then months. Finally on Monday I picked the mitt out of the tree, threw it away and watched their property value soar. It's all about curb appeal, yo.

You can follow the progress of - or participate in - Yahoo's You In program here and on Flickr. To help spread kindness, at the end of the week, I'll select two commenters to each receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. Just leave a comment on any post this week with a way to contact you.

Spreading Kind on a Rainy Day

The weather has altered some of my plans of leaving little surprises outside for people, forcing me to be a little more creative. Sunday afternoon, as it began to get dark, Clover and I set out on a stealthy mission. Our first stop was a public school where we wrote some inspirational messages and drawings in chalk on the sidewalk near where the school buses let out. The surprise for me was how excited Clover was to take part in this. She drew happy faces that looked like faces, unlike the face she drew on a birthday card that made my sister ask if "those" were boobs. The things in question were eyes that were particularly large with a tiny pupil, making them look kind of boob-ish. Okay, they looked very boob-ish, but thankfully her chalk drawings all looked like human faces.

As we drove away from the school, it started to sprinkle a little, causing us to worry, but I drove by the school today and the chalk drawings were still there.

Next we drove to a local library branch where I'd planned to leave a Starbucks card outside on top of the book return box. Our main library building is closed this month for renovations, forcing a large number of people into the branches. When I was at the branch last week, each of the computer stations were filled with adults who all appeared to be looking for work, making the branch busier than I'd ever seen it. Unfortunately the book return was not beneath an overhang, as I'd remembered, and I didn't want to leave the card in the rain, so I dropped it in the book return slot, and hopefully it made the day of a librarian this morning. Clover drew a happy face - again, without boobs - on the sidewalk in front of the library.

Our last stop was a community center. The center was closed, but there were a lot of families around back near the soccer fields. I placed a Starbucks card on a bench in front of the building, somewhat shielded from any rain, while Clover did her thing with the chalk.

Day one: success!

You can follow the progress of - or participate in - Yahoo's You In program here and on Flickr. To help spread kindness, at the end of the week, I'll select two commenters to each receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. Just leave a comment with a way to contact you.

Can You Spare Some Kind?

A friend wrote something about kindness a few weeks ago, saying that once you set out to be kind to others, you become aware of the thousands of decisions you make each day and the number of opportunities you have to impact other people - in a positive or negative way. Her words came back to me the next day when I got cut off by a driver. In that split second before responding, I thought that this was a decision I get to make. A simple fact that I should have realized sooner, but in that instant, I could have honked or flipped them off, but I let it go. Sure, the driver did something negative, but that didn't mean I needed to go there too. 

Around the same time of my friend's words, I started following the inspiring Secret Agent L and her "acts of kindness and day brightening." Reading her blog is day-brightening.

Both my friend's words and Secret Agent L were in my mind when I was invited to take part in You In? Or what I keep calling Yahoo! for Good! I was especially lucky when Yahoo! offered me $100 to do some good. People suggested I donate the money to different charitable organizations, but we already give to charity, we give to food banks and we participate in an Adopt-a-Family program. I didn't want the Yahoo! money to go to anything we already do anyway. Not to mention a friend let me off the hook by saying charity isn't kindness. They often intersect like two circles overlapping, but they don't always mean the same thing.

What appeals to me about Secret Agent L is that she's boosting the spirits of potentially anyone. There are many days when I'm exhausted and I've really had enough of my kids squabbling, making dinner, chauffeuring, laundry...the list goes on, and I feel completely unappreciated. I don't need charity, but something small, like a phone call from a friend, makes the difference in a day. A teacher-friend told me that I was a rock star mom recently. I didn't think about it until after, but it really made my day. I told Kevin about it and he shrugged it off for whatever reason, but it still made me feel appreciated. In the mom job, there aren't annual reviews with the chance for praise or god forbid a bonus. "Let's see Kim, you've moved one kid closer to getting out of diapers and the other kid doesn't always gag at the sight of a vegetable. Good work this quarter!" There's no clear finish line in parenting where success can be judged and gold watches handed out for merit.

With that, this week I will set out to do tiny acts of mostly anonymous kindness that I hope will brighten days for those unsuspecting. It started with a penny left near a wishing well in the hopes that another person's wish will come true. When I left the penny and explained to Clover what I was doing, she said "Ohhhkay," in a way that conveyed she'd rather flip that last penny into the little well (she'd tossed two already), but she went along with it. About an hour later, as we crossed a busy street, she gasped and picked up a penny that appeared to have been on that road for a long time. "We got it back!" she exclaimed. "We left that penny and now we got a new one," she explained when it was clear I didn't know what she meant. Yes, this is what happens, I told her. When you do something good, it comes back to you. Not always so quick, and rarely as precise as a penny for a penny, but it does come back. If only all lessons were as clearly demonstrative. 

I want to share the kindness with you. At the end of the week, I'll pick two commenters and send them each a $5 Starbucks card. You can comment once a day and I'll pick the winners at 5 p.m. pst Friday. To enter, you only need to leave a comment with a way to reach you (as long as it is visible to me, such as in your sign in), but on your honor, I'd like to ask that you do something kind for someone else. Hold open a door, say thank you, tell someone you appreciate them. (For inspiration, you can visit You In? or the companion Flickr group.)

It doesn't have to be big. Sometimes the smallest gesture means the most.

Thankful for my Counterbalance

Feast day for the preschoolers

When I started dating Kevin, my nonnie asked me if he was good and when I wasn't answering the question to her satisfaction, she lowered her voice and said, "Does he hit you?" For anyone who knows Kevin, this question is hilarious and it made me laugh. I didn't grow up around any form of domestic violence and Kevin is calm, patient and one of the least prone-to-violence people I've met. I think her worry was more because Kevin was an unknown - a recent transplant from the East Coast, giving my nonnie little information for which to judge if he and his family were okay. She justified her question with her concern that Kevin was of English-decent. The English have bad tempers, my Sicilian nonnie told me. This made me laugh more. Of course my laugh made my grandmother worry that I was hiding something, but as soon as she got to know Kevin, she knew her question was funny too.

That was 11 years ago and Kevin has stayed steady the whole way through, even when difficulties are thrown our way, including a whole lotta little girl attitude tossed into the mix. As anyone who knows us can attest, I'm the hot head in our house (actually Clover may have taken the lead on that). Kevin is pretty easy going and always optimistic, even in situations when it makes me mad because he's clearly wrong. He always thinks it is going to get better and he's never failed to put me and the kids first.

The next few weeks are going to be difficult for him as he sorts out the end of his mom's life. He's got a lot to deal with and I hope we can give him the support he always shows us.

I'm thankful for Kevin.

Coffee Fix VIA Starbucks at Home

I buy espresso drinks a few more times a week than I'd like to acknowledge. I know it's a problem not so much when the coffee houses raise their prices, but on a day like today when one kids stays home from school sick and I'm sad about missing the gym, but totally sidelined by having to forgo a trip to Starbucks. Yes, I know we can make coffee at home, we even have an espresso maker, but I'm too conditioned; I cannot make the same drink at home. Espresso drinks are like sandwiches: they taste better when someone else makes them.

Unable to make it to a store, I'm dipping into a stash of Starbucks' new VIA Ready Brew given to me last week. It's is not a grande mocha by any means, but it's good coffee that's incredibly simple to make.

Cliff Burrows, Starbucks president, introducing VIA

I went to a kick off event last week in San Francisco expecting to politely swallow down the VIA samples, so I was surprised to not only like it, but to want to keep some at home. It can be dissolved into either hot or cold water and I planned on trying it as an iced coffee, but the weather changed and so did my desire for a cold drink.

The packets are small, making them perfect for a purse, backpack or pocket. When I went to a Starbucks (inside Target, my favorites under one roof, not to mention both places sell VIA) last Friday, I got a VIA pitch from the barista who told me she'd already baked with them. I plan on trying to use VIA for cooking, so I perked up during this part of the chit chat. The barista put four packets into a single brownie mix box. Because the powder amount was pretty small overall, she did not counter balance it with any additional liquid, and the brownies came out perfectly, not noticeably dry and the coffee taste wasn't too strong, she said. I was the only customer and since I showed interest in the cooking info, she went on and on, saying she sent the brownies into work with her husband and his co-workers gobbled them up and asked that she make more. This is now going to be her signature dessert, she exclaimed, and this was also when I knew I had to leave because there wasn't going to be a break in the talk, even though I'd been creeping away from her as she spoke. Finally I waved and said, "Happy Friday!" "You should try making the brownies!" she called after me.

She never questioned that I'd already tasted and owned both types (Italian and Columbia roasts) of VIA, which was a relief because I knew I'd ramble on and on about how in my opinion, VIA is best pared with chocolate beignets.

And since the barista worked there, once I got reminiscing, she couldn't just wave and leave like I did.

All photos courtesy of photographer Stacy Cahill. 

Disclaimer: Starbucks provided an amazing brunch for free, along with packs of VIA to try at home - or give away to friends, as I did last week.

The Best (Okay, Only) Kiwi Lunch I've Ever Had

After two and a half days of the flu and eating nothing but a handful of Saltines and a little Sprite, I was finally better. While pretty much any solid food would have been welcomed once the flu had passed, I was treated to an amazing lunch at Calafia, one of my favorite restaurants, that was so good it may never be replicated. Since the lunch, I've found myself daydreaming about kiwi popsicles and bee pollen smoothies. It was that good. And because Rocket was at home with nonnie, I was free to relax and enjoy the first three hour lunch I've had since becoming a mom. It was heaven.

The lunch was courtesy of Zespri, a collective of New Zealand kiwi growers, which is sponsoring a recipe contest (more on that below), therefore the menu was kiwi-centric. A friend giggled when I told her I went to a kiwi-centric lunch, but not only was it excellent, I realized kiwis can do much more than be peeled, sliced and eaten straight. Soon after I learned that peeling and slicing for wussies and there's such a thing as a spife (the spoon-knife cousin of the spork) and kiwis can quickly be cut in half and then cut into easy to scoop out chunks, making it portable food.

After the smoothie, Calafia Owner/Chef Charlie Ayers (commonly known as the Google Chef from his former gig), served kiwi gazpacho with lump crab meat and vanilla salt, Lomi Lomi salmon with kiwi salsa on won ton chips, crispy chicken breast (a Calafia standard) with kiwi honey mustard relish, a kiwi popsicle and a vanilla tapioca parfait with kiwi and banana. Everything was delicious and light. He also made up a kid's sandwich using golden kiwi, almond butter, honey and thinly sliced strawberries, so we could see it. I'm not a big fan of nuts, so I had to trust that it was sweet tasting, regardless it did look pretty.

The gold kiwi (right) has more of an egg shape than the rounder green.

The gold kiwi was new to me and most of the U.S. It's predominantly in Asian markets - apparently overall Asians eat more fruit and are more adventurous in the fruit they try - and should not be difficult to find in the Bay Area, at least until late July when the supply is expected to run out. It's sweeter than green and as long as the gold kiwi doesn't feel overly soft, it's good to eat.

Lunch discussion focused on how best to get kids to eat a packed lunch. Clover eats the same thing for lunch every day - a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into a circle shape - while Rocket likes a variety of foods. One tip is to aim for a (positive) visual impact when the kid opens the lunch box that makes the kid want to eat. We also got some small, but helpful advice like preheat a thermos with boiling water, then dump out the water and add the soup, noodles or whatever to the thermos. The pre-heated thermos will keep warmer whatever it is holding. However, when adding warm food to other containers, let the food cool a little before putting on the lid. If the lid is put on too soon, condensation forms, but it also makes it harder for the lid to be opened up later.

Charlie said that mostly vegetarian food was served at Google, helping to avoid the post-lunch crash and burn. Instead, he said the vegetarian diet gave Google workers an afternoon boost.

In between courses, Laptop Lunches gave us a peak at their new products unveiled this month. I always say that Crocs should sponsor Clover's school because all of the kids own at least one pair, but a close second for a ubiquitous product would be Laptop Lunches. So many of the kids have them, but not us as Clover's single circular sandwich doesn't quite work with a bento-style lunch box. However the new configurations actually have a much larger compartment that could hold the sandwich. I'm also considering it for Rocket because that kid loves a variety, plus they have a space-themed (okay, it's an alien) cover that makes me want to get it for him even more.

The big kiwi test was later that night when I cut a bunch of green and gold kiwis up as part of our dinner. Kevin thought it tasted close to a banana (it's high in potassium, maybe that has something to do with the taste similarities?), very picky Clover surprised us all by saying she liked it and asking for seconds, while Rocket, our football player in training, grabbed the plate and scooped up every last slice with his two hands...then after shoving them into his mouth, he asked me to cut more. The kiwis were a hit.

The Zespri recipe contest is for the best original kiwi recipe for a kid's packed lunch item. It could be a snack, entree, dessert...anything that uses a green and/or gold kiwi and can go into a lunch box. Six semi finalists will get a copy of Food 2.0 (I have it and it's awesome) and one of those people will win a $2500 grand prize. (See kiwiforlunch.com for more details on rules and how to enter.) For inspiration, here's the super simple and yummy popsicle recipe:

Charlie Ayers' Kiwi Popsicle
12 green kiwi *or* 12 gold kiwi
1 cup agave syrup
1 cup water

peel kiwi and puree with one cup water
add agave syrup
freeze for four hours

It Tastes Sunny

From this

to this

to this.

Summer is here, even if the weather mostly resembles fall.

2009: A Rocky Start

Our New Year's Day plans changed and changed and changed again all in the first few hours, which wasn't the ideal way to launch a year. We repeatedly hit that bottle of champagne against the boat, but it just wouldn't break.

Today we took a Groundhog Day approach: we were going to follow the New Year's Day plans and get it to work on the second attempt. It somewhat failed. We made it to the Exploratorium and to the Ferry Building, but it was rainy and both places were crowded, which made the day more stressful than we hoped. Not all kids shared the hands-on exhibits at the Exploratorium, but the worst exhibit hogs were adults. This one old man cut in front of Rocket to try a magnet/light display. There wasn't a line, but Rocket stepped up to the exhibit with his arm outstretched toward the control with the old man saw him and quickly side-stepped in front of him to cut Rocket off. Trying to be nice and understanding I did not say a word when I wanted to bark at him "Seriously? 80 year old guy? You need to cut in front of a two year old? Because, what the fuck?"

The old man experience created some hostility in me and when the next hogging situation arose, I still stayed silent, but by this time I was so bothered I gave a nine year old girl the evil eye. Repeatedly.

Clover walked into an enclosed glass room where there were some comfy leather chairs and a jukebox with different sounds. The room was crowded with two moms and three girls about nine and 10 years old, most of them standing at the jukebox picking sounds, so Clover sat down in the open chair nearest the door. Several minutes go by when the 10 year old decides to sit back down and realizes that there is now a person in "her" seat. She walks over to much smaller Clover and stands over the chair saying "This is my chair, I was sitting here." I'm looking at the back of Clover's head, so I couldn't read her lips, making it unclear if she responded or sat there silently. Clover did move over, trying to make room in her seat, but then Clover moved back as the girl repeated herself, making it known that sharing a seat was not an option, she wanted the entire chair for herself. Clover did not budge as the girl glared down at her. The girl was obnoxious, but what made me want to go in there and bash heads was that the two mothers - one was the mother of the girl, the other was with them - watched. The older girl walked over to her mom to complain and the other mom, watching me watching the dispute, stood up and gave the older girl her seat. Yet this was not enough for them. The nine year old girl in the chair next to Clover leaned into Clover and said "That was her chair, you took her chair." That was when I started to shoot daggers. If looks could kill, that girl's head would have exploded. Clover was not moving while again, everyone watched her. During this time, the other two girls got up to see the jukebox again, but they each kept a foot on their chairs and stretched over. The girl leaned in again and started to repeat what she had previously said when she saw me out of the corner of her eye. She froze, stopped talking and sat back upright in her chair. The next few minutes went by without a word, but the girl slowly looked over at me twice and I glared back. A few minutes later - talk about hogging an exhibit - they decided to go.

During the entire exchange, I wanted to go into the room and stand up for Clover, but I kept reminding myself that I had no reason to do so. Clover handled the situation perfectly without me. She had no idea I was standing on the other side of the glass behind her, but that's fine, even better, actually. Handling her own conflicts will boost her confidence. When she walked out, I asked her what happened and if she had said anything to the girl. She said she told her that "when I walked in, the seat was empty, no one was standing near it, so I sat down."

Tomorrow is a new day and in my mind, a new year. This "sucky year" - Kevin's words - ends today, with tomorrow being the better start. As I tried to fall asleep last night, I thought about gratitude and how even the smallest joy or kindness can turn around the worst day. While it is a not my resolution, and a little more Oprah/New Age-y than I am accustomed, my plan is to keep track of even the smallest thing for which I am thankful each day.

Yesterday I was grateful for a friend who said "yes, absolutely come," when I made a last minute inquiry about the birthday party I thought Clover would miss. Today it was two friends who had us over for a fun night of tacos and margaritas (with fresh fruit!), while our kids joined theirs in thrashing their house. Sometimes it just takes one good moment to make a year.