Tippy Toes and Tantrums

Stitch and Bitch

The good news is that my stitches are out, beginning my return to normalcy. Or so I assumed. I still can't fully bend my index finger and the tip of my finger is numb, which makes simple things like typing more difficult than I expected still at this point. But at least it is getting better.

I was more scared than I'd like to admit about getting the stitches out, mostly because I remember a time when I was naive, back when Clover was born. A resident came into my hospital room four days after Clover's birth to remove my c-section stitches, an action I welcomed as the last step before signing out and returning home. I didn't think about how removing thread sewn into a very bruised and sensitive area would feel. It hurt. To put it mildly. Stitch removal was on my list of worries when I prepared for my c-section with Rocket and sure enough, again it hurt.

Index fingers are tougher than a cut up abdomen and luckily that means I worried about the stitches in my finger for nothing. It felt weird and slightly painful, but it wasn't too bad and it was over in a few minutes.

Stitches have a Frankenstein feel for me. The reminder of being sewn together like a rag doll is disturbing. I'm so happy to have them out.

Today Clover's friend helped flip her over on a trampoline and she landed awkwardly, hurting her back a little. She cried and carried on for a few minutes - although she stopped complaining long enough to run across the backyard to look at a dead bird's grave, then she wondered why my concern for her back had vanished. Later she told Rocket that she hurt her back, then lowered her voice to add, "It hurts as bad as getting stitches." "Um, what?" I asked from the other room. "Oooookkaaay, it hurts almost as bad as stitches...but it's worse than a bee sting." Her argument was undercut by the fact that she's experienced neither stitches nor a bee sting, but lucky for her, her brother doesn't know that. "Oh, sorry Clo," he said while he patted her back, finally giving her the unquestioning sympathy she sought. Now we are all on the road to recovery.

Harvest

Almost everyone seems to be back at school except my kids. Rocket starts soon after Labor Day, but Clover doesn't begin until Sept. 15. Yes, one five. I joke that Clover's school - the hippie school - goes back so late because they wait for the end of the harvest.

Where's Waldo? Both kids are in there.

Ha ha, stupid joke, yet there we were today, at a friend's garden harvesting the goods. We came home with a tote bag full of beans, basil, zucchini, a cucumber and Indian corn. The cherry tomatoes and one cucumber did not make it home - they were eaten on the way.

The before-school harvest has become a great annual tradition hosted by a generous friend from the hippie school. Not only did everyone have fun, but my family took home two full meals and potentially some Thanksgiving decorations (we're drying the corn).

Now can the school year begin?

It's All About the Memories

At the beach, avoiding packing.

As I whined about needing to pack for camping - while sitting on a beach instead of packing for camping - as friend asked why I go camping. It's an annual moms and kids camping trip with our group of Clover's preschool friends, which means I can't rely on Kevin for anything. I pack, set up camp, deal with the kids, and break camp by myself. Of course my friends are there for backup, but they have to do the same with their stuff and kids. It's a lot of work for each of us moms. It's work, but it's fun, even if at times it is down right awful (over the years I've survived a wild boar fight, three minutes frantically searching for lost Rocket, Clover getting a migraine, among others). My answer was that it makes for great memories. Even the worst of it is something we look back and laugh over because in between the dirt and the awful are pure nuggets of joy shared with friends. It's pretty much like parenting in general. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life...or something like that. This year's trip was no exception.

Next year the camping trip will be extended to three nights. Lord help me.

My Own Worst Enemy

Maybe I was a little quick to say I was logical and my kids were less so. After all, my little genius has figured out the best way to extract fruit juice.

(Patent pending)

But then there is the very dumb thing I did yesterday as I was rushing to make dinner before soccer practice while folding laundry and cleaning the kitchen. Let's skip the embarrassing details and just say my finger met with a knife in a way that it shouldn't. After the ER, I reminded the kids that this is why we need to be doubly safe with knives and scissors because I thought I was being safe, but this happened. Clover responded with "Maybe you should just not use knives at all." On the positive side, she feels I'm safe for scissor use. And now I'm up to date on my tetanus and whopping cough vaccinations.

The good news is I will not need to buy a foam No. 1 finger when we head to our next Giants game.

Kevin asked if I wished it was my middle finger. I didn't look at my middle finger until today when I noticed it had been cut too, just not in a never-ending-hemorrhaging way. My ability to give the double bird is hampered for now. I hope to be back in action by the end of the month.

ESTJ

Someone at knitting night brought up the Myers-Briggs personality test and how it is going around Facebook. I refuse to take Facebook quizzes and I almost always hide any quizzes my friends complete because I really do not want to know what sexual position you are (yes, an elementary school friend did this and is missionary, for those who care) or the color of your aura. I have kept the Myers-Briggs quiz visible mostly to see if I have any friends that match me. (For the record, no. I stand alone at the top.)

I like logic, facts and am goal-oriented (the last thing came from a meeting at Clover's school, not the personality test, but it is still very true). My kids are crazed monkeys bouncing from one thing to the next, motivated only by sugar. I'm beginning to wonder if I can give them a personality test because clearly logic and reason are not used pieces of their toolboxes. Today both were having lunch in the family room, while one kid ran into the kitchen to make sure the other kid wasn't taking the last of the pot stickers. The decision left both lunch plates open to the dog. Was it worth sacrificing 75% of your lunch - including two pot stickers - to save one pot sticker from your sister?

That same kid currently is trying to kill a spider by spitting on it.

Later, the other kid "forgot" you can kill someone by tying a rope (or robe belt) around another person's neck and yanking tightly. This may be less of loss of logic and more plain old jackassery.

Either way, I'm tired and we have about three and a half weeks of summer left.

A Little Crabby

Between a day trip to the beach, a few days camping and now with my kids spending two nights at my parents' house, it feels like we've crammed all of summer into one week.

Although it's true that for us, most of the fun summer fun happens in the last third of the season. Clover's school goes back late - really late - giving us time to do stuff while most kids are back in school and the crowds have died down. I'm in the process of scheduling the remainder of our summer, while keeping up with the laundry and the normal day-to-day stuff. I planned to tackle just about everything today on this very rare day when the house is mine alone, but my fingers are cut up and covered in Sesame Street Band-Aids (dry, eczema skin and camping don't mix) and my computer is failing. If my computer were human, I'd be making a teary phone call to Hospice about now. I'm trying to keep myself from running to the mall to browse at the Apple Store. Just to look, really...

Hopefully things will shape up this weekend.

A BlogHer Lesson in Power and Perception

A creepy-looking video is racing around the Internet, targeting mommybloggers. Dubbed the BlogHer Witch Project, the video features Michael Schott, a PepsiCo “booth boy;" his job was to hand out soda and sugar- and fat-laden snacks to the 1,500 mostly female attendees of BlogHer 09, the annual conference of the  nation’s premiere female blogging network. In the video Schott says, “I was bought and paid for by Pepsi. You’re bought and paid for, too.” One BlogHer attendee replied, “Stop being condescending to women. It's ugly and makes us mad.” Good, let us be mad! Instead of attacking the messenger, let’s harness the power and influence of our reach.

Schott’s video was posted just five days after the Wall Street Journal featured an article, “Mommy Bloggers Debate a PR Blackout." The blackout is the brainchild of MomDot blogger Trisha Haas, who argues that blogging is taking time away from her family. As the blackout has grown beyond a call for quality family time, we believe this debate points to a growing sentiment among female bloggers that we want sponsors to engage our minds, not our purses.

Women control 83% of household spending. With consumer spending accounting for 70% of the U.S. economy, clearly, the power currently owned by women is in the wallet. What are we doing with our power?

We are walking away with a suitcase full of swag.

We should not be surprised that sponsors are filling our arms with coupons, make up and toys. Each free gift is a request to use our power to increase their bottom line. Is this how we want to use our power? We say no. Now is the time for women bloggers to use their spending power to redesign how marketers think of female-dominated conferences.

Take PepsiCo to start. What if PepsiCo sent Bonin Bough, director of digital communications, to get real feedback from bloggers instead of Schott to hand out sodas? We request a dialogue with Bough to create a venue for developing products with women who are at the pulse of our nation’s mothers. We could advocate for nutritious, sustainable snacks for our kids’ lunches as opposed to SmartFood, which lists brown rice syrup (aka sugar) as the first ingredient. Bough took the time to comment on Schott’s YouTube video, so we know she is interested in what we are saying.

We also invite Microsoft into a real dialogue. Microsoft was at BlogHer 09, as the sponsor of the Microsoft Spa Lounge. In the lounge, bloggers were spoiled with free massages, manicures and makeovers. Attendees received cocktails and compact mirrors. Instead, Microsoft could send product managers for LiveWriter to create female blogger-friendly features for the next release.

To be sure, sponsors and freebies have been a part of big conventions. Corporate underwriting has kept the conference ticket affordable. Without their support, many of us would not have been able to attend. We assert that sponsorship can go beyond affordability.

Ford is one of the companies making an effort to engage female bloggers. The company has held several events - including one the day before the BlogHer conference - offering women a chance to see the design and work behind the latest Ford vehicles; Ford brought several of its female executives to talk sustainability and innovation. Female bloggers have been asked for input on potential changes in future models that produced a well spring of ideas for new technology and how vehicles are sold. More companies need to follow this approach.

As for bloggers, we invite you to say more than “thank you” when being handed a product we don’t like. If we engage in dialogue with sponsors, we can harness the power of our purse. With power comes social responsibility, and we believe women bloggers can harness theirs for good.

This post was written by Lori Nishiura Mackenzie, associate director of the Clayman Institute for Gender Research at Stanford University.

Foreign Land

At BowlHer, the bartender told me the party covered domestic beers.

Me: Okay, Sierra Nevada please.

Her: No, domestic.

Um?

Like Coors, Budweiser, Miller or Sam Adams Light.

Sam Adams Light.

Lesson - only macrobrews are domestic or California is considered foreign in the Midwest.

Why I am Against Ringling Bros.

The circus is coming to town, but my family will not be there. Last month I was offered a very generous family package for the Ringling Bros. circus by a mom website and while the offer was spectacular and one that my kids would love, I had to decline. Morally and ethically I am appalled by the treatment of circus animals and participation in the event would make me in a way complicit to this. Abusing animals is no way to have a fun family outing.

I politely declined, stating my circus opposition, and hoped that this would not harm my relationship with the mom website. (After all, next up is Disney on Ice.) My plan was to drop the issue without mention. I know other bloggers that are excited about participating in the circus event and that is their decision. I wasn't going to push my position on anyone. My feelings changed this week when a blogger friend spammed me with a circus promotion, offering a discount code for anyone who wanted to attend. Spam is never fun, but it was especially offensive when I had already told this person why I wasn't participating. With that, I felt I needed to explain the other side.

Like most people, I hate to hear about animals being abused. I'm disgusted by the decision to conditionally reinstate Michael Vick to the NFL. Still, I would not characterize myself as much of an animal person and if my dog could speak, she'd back me up on that. I try to stay away from leather, definitely no fur, and I try to limit my meat consumption, which by Marin County (where I grew up) standards, this does not make me an animal rights person at all. Yet, supporting a show that bullwhips elephants, denies animals food, moves animals from town to town in tight containers, forgoes regular veterinary care, and at best asks them to perform unnatural tricks, is not something I can do nor is it something I will condone by attending with my children.

It may be easy to brush the opposition aside by saying this is only Peta, who is known for radical positions, but it is also the Humane Society of the United States, ASPCA, former employees, myriad smaller groups and numerous citations from the federal government.

There are alternatives. Last year a traveling family circus came to our smallish, yet full of great activities, town, which allowed my family to have fun while experiencing a circus. Sure, it lacked elephants and tigers, but it made up for that in so many other ways. The acrobatics were great, the animals it did have were not asked to do anything unnatural, it was humorous and it was cozy, allowing everyone a nearly ringside seat.

I don't fault fellow bloggers for participating in this deal, nor people who buy tickets wanting their kids to experience a longstanding circus-childhood tradition. What I want is for people to be educated about what life is really like for the animals under the big top. It's not all cotton candy.

Marketing to Women: Ford Gets it Right

A stripped down, wired up car skeleton

When offered the chance to fly out to Chicago a day early, I jumped. Part of it - okay maybe a large part of it - was because my kids were fighting and this offer from Ford would mean an additional night alone at a hotel. The other part was because I thought it would be exciting as I pictured myself wearing a race car driver's helmet and mic (to communicate with my pit crew, of course), barreling brand new Ford cars around an empty raceway. So that did not happen, but the day was much more informative than I had imagined. Ford managed to do something right where most companies stumble and fail: they pitched their products to women in a way that was intellectually engaging and encouraged open dialogue between the company and consumers. 

Ford talked to us about innovations and alterations that are in response to what the modern consumer wants. Sustainability was a big part of this. Ford is using more sustainable materials, such as soy-based foam seat cushions, different soy flour and soy meal (soy bean byproducts) to make rubberized parts like floor mats and also considering hemp. These materials would be replacing ones traditionally made with petroleum products. While hemp parts would make the car much lighter - therefore more fuel efficient - U.S. growing prohibitions make supply a serious challenge.

We were shown newer technologies like computer-assisted parallel parking (seriously amazing), front looking radar with adaptive cruise control (Ford is confident their version is better than the others on the market, making the adaptivity so seamless that the driver may not be aware that it is happening), collision warnings, rear radar for blind spot assistance, cross traffic alerts (making it great for pulling out of blind parking spaces). The technological improvements are great, not just for moms distracted by a loud car full of kids, but for older people too. When Ford introduced a capless fuel tank in some models, the positive feedback was better than expected. Not only is it one fewer thing to lose or fiddle with, it's a big help for those with arthritis who may have trouble opening a standard fuel cap.

Some changes didn't appeal to me, like having engine sound piped into the car. I don't need people on the street to be impressed by the perceived power of my car; I just want a solid, reliable, safe car.

Another thing was the "gaming" aspect of the hybrids, which includes a vine on the control panel where leaves grow as the car's efficiency increases. Leaves grew as I used the brakes, but then slowly disappeared as I used the gas, which brought out my competitive side and unfortunately I became a little more preoccupied with growing leaves than with paying attention to the road. However, this could be one of those features that initially are interesting, but fade into the background after using the car for awhile.

Ford brought out some of its top female executives and researchers to interact with us, a move that I doubt was coincidental. Still, it was fabulous to hear from the female employees responsible for some of these innovations. Also great was during unscripted times when the women talked about working for Ford and working in a male-dominated environment. They were upbeat and positive, several told us about family-friendly policies. For instance, a few of the women did not work five days a week. Ford allowed them to scale back their work time to have more time at home with their children. (And that had nothing to do with the recent economic downturn.)

We got a factory tour to show us how cars were made (my son would have loved this). Then finally the day ended with Ford asking for suggested improvements to their cars and not only did it feel like they were listening, but some really good suggestions were made. This was not the condescending cup holder talk normally given to women. One blogger suggested a control indicating there was someone in the back seat - a body heat sensor, possibly - to help avoid tragedies where young children are forgotten in the backseat.

This tag was explained as a interior trunk opener, in case you get "stuck" in the trunk. I guess they didn't want to say "in case you are kidnapped by a psycho-killer," but that's what they meant. Even the little figure is running for its life.

The day was excellent. When we next buy new cars, I can't say that we would certainly buy Ford, but after this experience, we would give their cars serious consideration. I would not have said that before this event.

There was one disappointment. The talk of commitment to sustainability was undercut by this:

One of the garbage cans after lunch. There was no recycling. Ford, get with the recycling program. Not just cans and plastic at lunch, but cardboard and other potential recyclables in your factory. Don't miss another cultural shift.

(Disclaimer: Ford paid for one night in a hotel in order for me to attend this event. Also, apologies for the iPhone photo quality.)